Really Hurt...

So it's just after 3am, and I'm still awake... my Fiance isn't so wonderful right now. Let me start at the beginning, and tell you why:

So last weekend, I had mentioned that him and I had gotten into a fight, and that I had picked it over nothing... Well that wasn't really true... I had picked it, because I was pissed off at him for putting me off to go out with his friends ALL FREAKING DAY AND NIGHT!!! It was kinda building up for a while, for the last three weeks (last week) he had all of a sudden started going out on Friday AND Saturday nights, when he was previously only going out on friday nights since he arrived at Sheppard. He was spending over $100/weekend on drinking and bingeing on fast food after drinking, when we're trying to save up as much extra as we could for our wedding!!! We have two accounts, our joint account, and his other account that his pay is deposited into. We havent changed his deposits yet, so for now I write checks from his check books to myself until we can change it (we both know its a quick thing, and there IS a reason why we havent done it yet...), so he asked me to go on his account site and check his avail bal, and we noticed a charge for something that we bought while i was there from 3/25-4/5, so I went back aways to make sure they didnt charge us twice. thats when I noticed how much he had been spending on going out! I brought it to his attention... he acknowledged it by going out and spending just as much money this past weekend!! then on saturday I was expecially lonely and missing him, and I made that clear, but he was SO EXCITED about meeting up with his buddies, that instead of being there for me, like i always am for him, he rushed me to skype, so he could hit the bar at like 2 in the afternoon to drink for the rest of the day and late into the night... then finally, when he emerged on Sunday (with an attitude as usual for the last few weeks because he's pissed off and hung over!!!!!!) he informed me that he was going to order netfix! you see, last week,s ome adware atacked his computer, and he had to pay $200 to have it fixed! and then spent $100+ in two days at the bar... the $9.00/month netfix just put me over the top!!!! I totally flipped on him! So finally when we got down to the bottom line that he doesnt take my thoughts and feelings into consideration, and he just does whatever he wants and doesnt give a shit what i think, and hanging out with his buddies is much more important to him than spending the little bit of time we have with eachother looking at eachother on a computer screen (or atleast thats how he made me feel!) He apologized, and so did i, because i didnt go about expressing it in a very adult like manor... He was pretty awesome all week, and talked wedding stuff, and even tried not to be grouchy with me in the mornings... until TODAY (he agreed that we needed to save money, and compromised that he would only go out one night a weekend to ry to save a little bit more, since i like NEVER go out, mor do i spend money on unnecessary stuff): He decided that he was going to go home after class and just hang out because the yanks were playing the sox tomorrow, and he wanted to go out to the bar to watch the game... he knew that i was up after he got out of class, so he called to say goodnight... said he was going to go have a smoke at the "smoke pit" with his buddy, go grab some sonic, have one more smoke, then jead back to his room to watch the netflix rental he got in the mail today... I kinda had a feeling something was up, because something didnt seem right. so after a little while, i came up with an excuse to call him (said i heard a scarey noise and wanted to talk to him, because i was scared...), he said that he was still at the smoke pit, then screwed up and sid that he was "coming back here" (to the smoke pit?) tomorrow night to watch the yanks, then corrected himself and said that he ment the bar... and then said "ok babe, let me go hang out with my buddies, go get some sleep, and i'll talk to you in the morn..." NOW i REALLY knew something was off... because I asked him again where he was, and said that i had gotten confused because of what he has said about where he was going to watch the game tomorrow, and he said something about everywhere is "there" if its not the dorm... but he didnt sy "there" he said "HERE"!!!! then the whole "let me go hand out with my buddies" was the aboslute DEAD give away because a. he only left with ONE BUDDY and b. because thats what he says when he wants to get off the phone to get back to drinking with his buddies at the bar! I started texting him like an hour later because I coldnt sleep because i knew that he was out at the bar, not in his bed where he said he was... he was being VERY evasive with his responses, so I CALLED HIM! he didnt pick up twice, but i got a text inbetween both calls, then he called me right back. said he was ih his dorm, and that he had gone to the bathroom and thats why he didnt pick up, as the winds is blowing away into the phone!!! he finally admitted that he was at the bar, and i told hi nthat i was hurt and disappointed that he had lied to me, and that this just proved that he didnt care at all for my feelings, and that his need to go to the bar was FAR MORE important than my feelings. he's apologized to me like a million times already, but i'm jsut so hurt... about 6wks before he left for BMT he broke my trust prety bad, and we've gotten so far since then, and for him to just break it down like that after all the progress we've made... it just really hurts. We have a thing that we dont go to bed mad at eachother, but im just SO HURT! I dont know if ill be able to sleep a wink tonight... and I had the best day too! SMH...

Very Long, But AWESOME Day!!!

Today was Bridesmaid dress shopping day!!! :) and it was SO MUCH FUN!!! Everyone was there, and they tried on like a million dresses!!! I decided on two dresses, one for my MOH:
http://www.davidsbridal.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplayView?storeId=10052&catalogId=10051&categoryId=3001799&currentIdx=4&subCategory=-49998976%7c3001465%7c3001609%7c3001799&catentryId=6097281&sort=
and another for the rest of the bridesmaids: http://www.davidsbridal.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplayView?storeId=10052&catalogId=10051&categoryId=3001799&currentIdx=1&subCategory=-49998976%257c3001465%257c3001609%257c3001799&catentryId=6097397&sort== (both dresses are in cornflower blue)! they are so pretty, and look great on all of the girls!!! II actually REALLY wanted to try on dresses too, but I refrained from it, reminding myself that I tried on my fair share of dresses a few weeks ago! lol) unfortunately, they didnt have the color that I chose in stock, so i couldnt see them in that particular color, but thats ok, just makes it all that more exciting to see them when they come in... when ever that is!! lol

NOW I'm on to flower girl dresses... I have two little nieces that are sisters that are just about a year apart (irish twins), so I can't chose just one... unfortunately, the dresses are $100.00 a piece! for little flower girl dresses!!!! the bridesmaids dresses were $140.00 for crying out loud!!! how can they charge SO MUCH for such a little dress?!??!?!! I feel bad, and I really don't know what to do... I've looked at some sites, and they all said that when they accepted to have their children in the wedding party, they accepted the fact that they have to pay for the dresses too... but I just feel so guilty... and the only dresses on the site that are under $100.00, are outlet dresses, and can only be purchased online, and all sales are final!!!

Tomorrow's Saturday, and every Saturday Evan and I go out to breakfast with my sister Rene! It's fun times! Tomorrow is ALSO the day I said I would go grocery shopping... I HATE HATE HATE grocery shopping... but now we're desperate... lol I only have enough milk for Evan's morning bottle, so we shall go to the grocery store after breakfast! that way we wont be hungry and buy unnecessary things, and we can get it done! Did I mention that I hate grocery shopping? lol

We had to cancel tanning today so we wouldnt be late for our dress appointment which kinda stunk, but it was worth it!

So, I'm really excited about Sunday too, theres a HUGE SALE on Pandora and Chamilia beads for mother's day and my sister Erica and I are going to get us some beads at 70% OFF!!!! Yee!!! :) ...until next time! ;)

Still Rockin' this Headache...

OK! So I just wrote this awesome post, and LOST the entire thing!!! GRRR!! it was SO long too! lol oh well to sum it up: I had a pretty laid back day... went tanning after Dan woke up just like he said he would to talk wedding stuff with me! we talked for over an hour about everthing i could think of! it was a great relief for me to get things off my chest! we talked about where we were going to stay for our wedding night (he kinda shot down my casino idea... said not to write it off, but its not the best idea... : /) also I wanted to get him a grooms cake, and have been looking into that without his knowledge! Its gonna be so awesome! I hope i can find someone to do what i want for him (yankee stadium complete with ball players and everything!)... we got the menu finalized. I looked at suits for the grooms men, and sent dan the links on facebook so he can look atthem too... especially since Idont know anything about suits! Also, we talked today, and decided that when he gets home at the end of june, we're going down to the town hall to get maried before our wedding day, one because i dont have insurance, and two because we would get more from BAH, and it would be useful since Dan is going to need a vehicle when he gets home and starts going to work everyday! anyway... I decided to share my beautiful ring with you (if there is any of you out there who actually follow my blog... lol):

isnt it just perfect?! needless to say, eventhough today was pretty uneventful (aside from tanning with my mother this afternoon) I got an inredible amount of stuff done today including our CUSTOM MILITARY CAKE TOPPER!!!! its SO EXCITING!!! i cant WAIT to see it!! 7weeks from today, my Airman graduates tech school and comes home! anyway, I am so exausted, so thats it for today! I'll post again tomorrow with the results of the bridesmaids dress shopping! hopefully this headache will go away...

Holy Headache!!!

I didn't post yesterday! I met with the guy from the reception hall and booked for the earlier wedding... I was leaning against that because I wanted the end of reception to be the end of the night, but no such luck... with the times available to have the ceremony, I couldnt have the later reception without having like 4-5 hours between the end of the ceremony, and the beginning of the reception... and we dont have anywhere to put all of hte out-of-town people in the mean time, so it will all work out. I took videos of the hall on my cell phone and sent them to Dan! he was excited to see them, although they were hard to see on the cell. I also went and picked up my shoes from Davids bridal! theyre SO PRETTY, it really makes me wanna put everything on together and see the finished product, but I have to wait until my first fitting next month : /. Also, when I went to the church the other day, they said that they couldnt find Dan's first communion records...

So, today I called Dan's father and found out FOR SURE when and where Dan made his first communion, since I had already asked his mother (and was informed INCORRECTLY), and I asked Dan (who forgot to inform me that he didnt make his communion when people normally do...), then i called the church and informed them that they had to change the time of the ceremony, and where to find Dan's records they needed. then i called the hair salon, and changed the time to get my hair done with all my girls for the wedding! now i have to be there at 6am... stupid butt crack of dawn... lol

oh, and I also found out last night, that it's no longer required in the state of CT to get a blood test before you can get a marraige license, which is awesomely one less thing i have to do! :)

Today, Dan kinda pissed me off: this morning I was trying to talk with him about what entrees we should have, so i can book it with the reception guy, and he can finallly tell me a price/head, and he totally blew it off! He said he had to get off the phone to go brush his teeth, and then asked me later if i had finished deciding... i told him that I hadn't because he blew me off that morning... and it was ok, that i would just picked what i picked and he could just deal with it... he tried to get mad, but then realized he was wrong, and apologized. he then promised to get up earlier tomorrow, and talk about some wedding stuff with me in the morning... so I did some research tonight after I got home from his grandparents house (Ev and I went over there for dinner, they were in Florida for the last two months, so we went over there to visit and catch up a little. his grandmother is one of the best cooks EVER!!! lol)... so I really want to stay somewhere REALLY nice on our wedding night.... like REALLY REALLY NICE... theres two casinos in CT, so i was checking them out... but I'm not too sure we can afford them... thats one of the things I'm gonna talk to Dan about it in the morning... oh yeah baby! I got a list a mile long of things I need his opinion on! lol

so I got my cousin a pandora bead as a thanks for watching Ev last week while i hashed it out with the Baby-Daddy, ad Ive been trying to get togehter with her to give it to her, but she's never around... so today i told her that i would be over to see her, and the bitch wasnt there whn i got there!!... so I just left the bag on her door handle for when she got back... I'm assuming that she still hasnt gotten home yet, because she hasnt called or txted me yet to say thanks or anthing... hmm, I wonder how long that'll take...? lol

tomorrow's gonna pretty lame... no plans, except for maybe the grocery store (yes, you got me! I still havent gone grocery shopping... guess we werent THAT desperate for food afterall.... lol) and TAnning for SURE!! then some house cleaning! I need to clean this place up a little... its starting to get pretty bad again... oh yeah, and the dreaded LAUNDRY (boooooo) hopefully it'll be nice, so i can hang it on the line... then Friday is BRIDESMAID DRESS SHOPPING!!!!! Whoo Hoo!!!!! :):):)

oh, ps. I have a killer headache, hence the title... ;)

Good News, Bad News...

Ok, so I got some pretty good news today! I found out that the priest that is going to marry us has no problem marrying us even though I had a baby out of wedlock! this is great news. now heres the bad news: the earliest I can have the ceremony is 10am, and the latest is 3pm... the times that i can rent the hall are 12-5 or 7-12.... so i either have to have a morning wedding, or have the ceremony like 4hrs before the reception... I could have the ceremony at the hall, but then we'll be married by a JP instead of a priest... see my dilemma?Another good thing is that the guy from the hall called and rescheduled our appointment for today to go sign the contract... thats good because i had today to try to decide what i should do about times.

So tomorrow I go meet the guy to sign the contract, pick up my shoes from david's bridal, and return all the favor stuff i bought the other day! THEN i need to come back to town and go grocery shopping so Ev and i wont starve to death! lol

Dan and I had a talk after I posted last night and we both feel much better today. the truth is that we both just miss eachother SO MUCH. and we talked the other day AGAIN about us going ou there to visit again, and we just cant afford it, and it really sucks. We DO have the money, but we ned to save it for our wedding... we have SEVEN more weeks left and then he comes home to us <3

Not All Days Are Good Days...

So remember how yesterday I said that I was lonely? well I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, and took it out on my dear love. :/ I flipped out on him over him going out ALL DAY yesterday with his buddies, and I felt like he wasn't there for me when i needed him to be when i'm always there for him when he's down and blue, but instead of telling him like a rational adult, I blew a gasket! now he's holding a grudge at me for being a bitch... which i guess i deserve, but i dont ever do that to him... especially after he apologizes... oh well what ever... I know he;ll be over it tomorrow morning. I just wish i would have gone about it a better way.

i went over my dad's today... he's not happy that Dan and I are getting married. Dont get me wrong, He thinks dan is a really great guy, but he thinks we should wait until we have more money before we "jump into things"... the only thing is, Dan's still in tech school, and after that has 365 days of on the job training... so this summer is the best time to get married being that ther isnt much of a chance that he would get deployed since he's technically still training. I know theres still a slim chance, but no where near what the chance would be come NEXT summer! Ive hear so manyhoror stories about the groom getting his orders and theyre scheduled for days before the wedding... so we're just gonna do it now while we know there wont be any issues like that! but needless to say, my father is giving me shitloads of grief about it...

not to mention that its about a MILLION DEGREES in my apartment. and do you think I owuld have looked for a fan today?! NOOOOOOOOOO.... why on earth would i do a thing like that?!?!?!?? grrr!

overall, horrible day. looking forward to tomorrow though! I meed with the priest thats going to marry us, and sign the contract for the hall! should be pretty exciting... anyway, wish me luck that tomorrow's better than today!

Lonely Day

Happy May Day! :) and what a beautiful day it was! it was easily 85+ degrees here in CT today! awesome! I planted some flower and pumpkin seeds. and hung out with Ev outside for the rest of the day, after I went to Party City to get stuff to started on making favors for the WEDDING!!! :) so I come home from the store, and my mother's all like "why didnt you get votive candles and put those mesh things over them?! WTF?! why didnt she say that yesterday?!?!?! lol so now I have to do some figuring and see if i can return the stuff i bought so i can buy the candles... If i cant return... then OH WELL the little plastic boxes with the red/white/blue m&m's I bought will just have to due! I was going to get red/white/blue ribbon to wrap around them too, but they only had white... they were all out of the rest of the colors... if i cant return the stuff, I'll have to go back tuesday to see if they got more in...

Today was a really lonely day here on the "homefront" lol Dan and I were both really missing eachother something pretty serious. HE got to go out with his friends to pass the time... but I'm stuck homebecause the little monkey's napping... hopefully he'll get up soon so we can head over my aunts for a while and see some of the fam! its not the same, but like I said, it'll pass the time... we talked about me going to visit him again for memorial day, but we cant afford the $950 its going to cost for the weekend. I really wish we could. and the closer it gets to that weekend, the more expensive it gets for the trip... I just gotta keep my eye on the light at the end of the tunnel! he'll be home SO SOON!!! 7 weeks is NOTHING compaired to the time we've been apart!

so, my aunts having a bonfire tonight! that should be fun! Hopefully little man will start stirring soon, so we can get up there and enjoy some of the fun! oh well, I guess we'll just have to see...